There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
