OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think I sprained my soul last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize