You're completely useless in the revolution.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
