its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
