R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
