mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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