If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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