1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize