Define "chronic" masturbator.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
how drunk are you?
Several
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
