I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you had me at cake vodka
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
