I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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