You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
