She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
