Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
