It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
