I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
