Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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