no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
