the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
