dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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