I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
