Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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