Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
