After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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