I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
