i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
