im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
