In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The air was thick with penises
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
