I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
