Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
