I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
sarcasm needs its own font
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
