I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
