So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
