Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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