let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm bleeding and have questions
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
