if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I cut my penus on the lid.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
