If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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