i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
