u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
