Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
