he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
