so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am available for nakedness
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize