new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
