when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
