I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
