She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
