Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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