okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
