Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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