But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
