He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
