You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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