Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize