I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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