I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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