hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
