Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
