you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
