She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
