i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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