I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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