I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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