if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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