4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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