All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
