it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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