Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
