I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
