I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
