I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
