I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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