I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
