I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
