Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
